What really matters to you?

Have you stopped long enough to really consider this? Is it wealth? Popularity? Success (what is that?)? Health? Friendships? Making an impact? God?

So, may I ask you again? What really matters and why is this question important?

I stopped for a bit on holiday and realised that all around me was silent. I could hear a few birds, a tractor in the distance, an air con unit somewhere nearby, but otherwise silence. How often do we achieve that? It made me start to think about the choices I have made in life, where I am at right now and what of all of it actually matters. Does it? Do I? Do you?

Does that sound a little harsh or maybe deep or introspective?

Or is this a really important question that we need to take time out to reflect on?

My heart is that we all discover that we inherently have value, just by being ourselves, not because of how we look, what we do or what title we have.

This has been my journey for many years to discover that I do indeed have value, even when I fail, which I do regularly. I have value if I disagree with someone, when someone tells me they don’t like me or what I’ve done, when I’m quiet and contemplative or laughing out loud. I have value. If someone tells me that my opinion has no sway, or they can treat me badly because I don’t matter, I am learning that I can ignore them.

This has come from years working on my levels of self-awareness. I now know more of what matters to me, and for me this starts with my children being happy and healthy. Then my friends are incredibly important. They have walked through some dark periods of my life with me like my two divorces, surgeries and other life mess. I have also walked alongside them through their stuff.

In addition, finding joy in discovering that I am free to be me has been a revelation. This isn’t a selfish journey, rather, it’s a discovery that as I become more ME, rather than who others want me to be, I have more energy to be a better mum, friend and I find more joy.

Did you know that you are enough, just as you are? You don’t have to keep striving to be someone else. You have your own strengths, needs and passions. No one else is like you. You have been created to be YOU, not who someone else wants you to be.

I have discovered that I have a lot more to do with my life, to help others learn from my journey, so I have to start looking after my health more. Alongside this, I have to accept I may not be skinny like I was in the past, so whatever others may say or think, its OK for me to be the shape I am, as long as I’m healthy.

My journey has led me to understand that I am only responsible for my own reactions and responses. You may tell me you don’t like what I am doing, but I don’t have to bend to your wishes. I don’t mean to be rude, I will listen to you (for a bit anyway!), but then I will make my own decision, to do what aligns with my values, not your opinions.

Most of my life I’ve been a bit of a workaholic, and certainly a people pleaser. I have discovered I am able to put in boundaries. Sometimes, doing this is liberating and at other times it has been very painful to me. From a lifetime of agreeing to do what others have asked of me, I have burnt out at work, and I have become so exhausted doing things I shouldn’t be doing. However, I can’t blame others for this. I allowed them to treat me this way!

What happens when we learn to say “No” (kindly)? For those not used to you doing this, it can come as a nasty shock, and they may not like it. That was my experience, but I still think it was worth it. It has liberated me and helped me to help others to dare to be bold in support of themselves.

So, let me ask you again, what really matters to you? Can you take a moment to consider the answer for yourself? What are your values, your priorities?

Brené Brown says, “You can’t get to courage without walking through vulnerability.”

It takes courage to think on these things and to decide that looking after yourself, knowing yourself better and taking action is worth it.

The bible says “Love your neighbour as yourself.” May I gently point out to you that unless you love yourself, you can’t love those around you effectively. What does it mean to love yourself? From my journey, I’d suggest it means sometimes prioritising what you need. It means coming to understand your value, your self-worth. You are free to be you, and it’s time to step into that.

Does that mean putting in boundaries so you have time to do what matters to you? Yes. Does it mean thinking about what you love to do and making sure you plan to do it? Yes. Might it mean you need to look at your thought life and take charge of that? Definitely!